> GREATEST LESSON YET <<
(just holy shi*)
I can’t believe I am writing this…
Well, I can believe it – but It’s pretty epic that things have come this far…
Back story made short-
We lived in RI – bought a house in FL – Rented a Uhaul and decided to pack and drive ourselves.
Here’s where the life altering shit happened.
There was a moment – a good 60 seconds that I had when my soul called me to something and I ignored it.
Which I don’t do often – so now when I do it’s quite notable.
I missed it.
I was told it was $2600 to rent the truck and pack ourselves – $6k to have movers come. My soul said – hire the movers – you have a half million dollar business to run, lives to heal & fun to be had.
The old small me said – DO IT YOURSELF. Just push through. Get it done. Save the $.
It was so smooth, seamless, and familiar.
It felt a bit like breathing.
There she was – this old familiar bitch of a friend lol
She wanted to come crash my place – stay the night, trash my home, and kill my soul.
AND I FKG LET HER.
Damn damn damn.
So we head out at like 3pm and my husband is dead set on getting on the other side of the bridge in NYC so we can start out in the am on the other side of traffic.
“We will be out by 7:30pm” he says.
At 10:15pm we sat down for dinner at the Holiday Inn – right off the highways – smelling of sulfur farts.
We were exhausted – he had been driving this huge truck through traffic, AFTER 2 days of back breaking packing – and this was the first place we saw.
Needless to say I cried, and I was a raging bitch to him.
But track with me for a second. (before you get all – get over it – on me.. You might miss this epic lesson without the soul crushing later…)
2 years ago getting to go to NYC & staying in any Inn would have been a huge treat.
Today – I felt.. Out of place.
This wasn’t me.
I felt like I had abandoned myself.
I had betrayed myself.
THIS WASN’T WHO I WAS ANYMORE.
My soul had led me ever so gently as she does, and I abandoned her for this raging lunatic of a militant- scared- judgemental – don’t be a diva- bitch. (I do love this bichhh – she got me quite far in life, and God only knows when she will come in handy again – but a BITCH none-the-less lol)
I have outgrown the SUFFER THROUGH.
I have abandoned the idea that ease is a diva symptom(IT’S SO FKG NOT)
Do you know why people call others divas? Because they’re suffering.
That is all.
Why else would any other human being be UPSET at another’s comfort????
That makes NO sense.
Why else does anyone give a fk what othe people do?
Why are we triggered at all?
Because we are in pain.
We SUFFER THROUGH
We let fear drive the train.
We play small, hold back, hesitate, procrastinate…..
You know damn well you are capable of an epic fkg life.
So why pretend?
Why act like you don’t deserve 5 star, ease and joy???
It’s really time to let that bitch go play.
Let her scared, broken little ass finally relax and go play while you put on your big girl panties and RUN THIS SHOWWWWWW.
Own what you have outgrown.
Suffering is not NOBLE.
Neither is lying.
And most of the population is NOT lit up and excited by the thought of suffering.
Who the fk said Mother T is the aspiration?
She did WHAT LIT HER THE FK UP.
The only way to ever be as inspirational as she was is to do WHAT LIGHTS YOU THE FK UP.
NO FKG PRETENDING
No more lying,
No more pretending to yourself you like the crumbs.
SO I cry – I am a bitch- I apologize and breathe.
I recognize the GIANT lesson – and I get excited.
THIS…. WILL….. NEVER….. HAPPEN…. AGAIN.
I am on a fkg mission to heal the world – to change millions of lives and I am LIT THE FK UP doing the work I do.
Yes, the $ is an amazing reward for the work I do – and it means nothing compared to lighting the fire in my soul day in and day out.
So we went to dinner and I reached out to my friends – sharing this event – and they’re laughing hysterically at me of course like — WHYYYYYY?
I decide I am going to have to deal with this bichhhh once and for all – This – you’re the welfare girl- thriving makes you selfish – don’t be a diva- wealth is bad- you need to care more about starving children than your own comfort – be like mother T – voiceeee….. Once and for all.
I had been toying with a few things as I have grown and my company has expanded.
I KNOW THIS –
THE MORE I THRIVE –
THE MORE I AM IN MY ZONE OF GENIUS –
THE MORE I AM HERE WITH Y’ALL –
THE MORE LIVES ARE CHANGED.
THE MORE HEALING HAPPENS.
THE MORE LIT THE FK UP I AM
& THE MORE IT ALL EXPANDS AND THRIVES.
So I was thinking about 2 things – getting a personal chef for dinners at the new house m-f & purchase my first 1st class flight.
I was so just about to justify that to you!!! I was about to say (I am 6’ tall – riding passenger is not fun – hahahahah)
NO FKG JUSTIFICATION NECESSARY.
I just want to.
It is inviting.
It will feel accomplished.
It will feel luxurious and easy.
I will never go back.
It will be a permanent up level – and I know that- which CALLS MY ASS TO MORE and is exactly why I have been avoiding it.
So at dinner – I pulled out my phone and purchased my very first 1st class ticket.
It felt like a HUGE steel boot comin down to the earth and leaving a dent that reached the core.
I am never going back to welfare – don’t be a diva land.
I finally got to bed at midnight- all 5 of us in a room PLUS A CAT.
My husbands alarm goes off at 5 am.. He goes back to sleep and I am up – GRINNING ear to ear.
Every millisecond of this was worth it.
Yet another layer of money BS broken though.
I grabbed my things and snuck downstairs to the lobby for coffee and to write this.
Walk over to the coffee – dry – powdered creamer.
Soul whispers “Ask for cream..”
Roger that soul….. ROGER FKG THAT.
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