I’m grateful for the pain.
I’m grateful for the times of hell.
For every scar I have learned to wear well…

The storms that make me appreciate the sun…
The wrong ones that made me realize the who the right ones are…
For everything that has made me brave.

I’m grateful for the mistakes… the times I got lost so I could finally find myself.

I remember when all the pain was just breaking me…
when it all felt unbearable.

When it felt like I had to sprint every day… over and over just to try to catch up with everyone else.

When each day was like floating in the middle of a raging ocean alone… gasping for air inbetween the waves crashing on me.

When I stood on my mama hill in all my armor screaming inside to the world – “You have to get through me to hurt my children the way I was hurt.”

When I’d walk in public scanning for potential danger – scanning for a situation I couldn’t get out of.

When anyone else drowning near me felt like my responsibility, and I’d put them on my back and drown just a little bit more.

When people who said they loved me said painful things to me to try to keep me small and hold be down under their thumb.

When I believed meeting my needs was selfish.
When I believe how I was treated was my fault.
When I believed God was always mad at me.
When I believed success was vain.
When I believed I was only allowed to be as strong as the weakest link in my life.

When I believed all this BS and had a chance to step into something new – to find oxygen… to find satisfaction – to find FUN, joy, peace, excitement.

I strengthened my ability to lean into the chaos
to breathe through the emotions…
to face the resistance to change – and step anyways.

Without the chance to rise above it all.. how would you have ever become as strong as you are today?


love you
mandy x

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