HAVING SEX WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO... - Mandy Perry

This is for my women out there… it is a very sticky and sometimes deep treading subject.

There is this thing that happens to so many women, a FREEZE, a switch in the brain, and acceptance…

Being scared to piss him off, but feeling like it’s dramatic to be scared because he’s not a bad guy.

Being afraid to lose his affection for you.

Being afraid that we are scared, broken, or weird because of everything we have been through.. not wanting to see any evidence that our trauma has changed us.

BUT THIS IS WHAT IT IS TO BE HUMAN. Our experiences change us, if they didn’t what would be the point in living?

And the best part of this?? It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure…
So… let’s just look right at the damn thing, shall we?

1. We fully surrender to what is.
It’s ok that we have deep emotional feelings around being intimate with a man.
It’s ok that we need or desire what we desire.
It’s ok that we may have some things come up.
IT’S OK THAT UP UNTIL NOW WE HAVE NOT KNOWN THE WORDS TO SAY TO DISENGAGE WHEN WE WANT IT TO STOP.

Now we know better so we will do better.

2. We stop playing the “NO” is a sexually stimulating game.
Not ok. No needs to mean no. We want to get mad at men for not knowing no means no when we say no and give in over and over. We say no then we get all turned on when he gets more aggressive.
We actually DIDN’T want to have sex in the beginning but then we slip into this game of no and chase.

This is where a lot of confusion comes in. A lot of us freeze, disassociate or play along. A lot of us don’t know what we want in this moment but don’t know how to get clear so we go along and make the best of it.

WHY?
Because we feel like we will be the weird emotional woman who doesn’t know why she needs it to stop.

We feel we must justify our request.

We are afraid they will get angry and we are trained to be careful not to piss a man off.

We feel desired and it’s hard to give that up when it’s been missing. True intimacy with a safe male can be very hard to come by and a lot of women haven’t been patient enough to wait for a man in his KING power.

We. Don’t. Feel. Worthy. To. Be. Honored.

But we get to upgrade this belief together today because WE PARTICIPATE IN CREATING WHAT THE WORKD IS WITH OUR BELIEFS. If we want our daughters to feel worthy, WE GO FIRST. ?

3. USE YOUR WORDS SISTER.
You know how to use your words. Even when it’s scary, even when it’s confusing, even when it’s all foggy and you freeze.

I reached out to a friend to ask for words a man will hear when you don’t feel 100% comfortable in the intimacy… and want it to stop, pause or not begin at all.

“I’m not comfortable with this right now.”

Rehearse the words, practice using the words.
Say the words out loud. Say them to the last man you pretended you were enjoying sex with but you wished you weren’t.

Get a massage and practice telling the massage therapist what feels good and what doesn’t. Ask for them to be more gentle, or more aggressive. Be clear what you want, what’s ok and what not.

4. Let grown-ass men BE grown-ass men. Let’s not hold them as small. These men have HUGE shoulders and are capable of amazing things. They can handle their own emotions. They are responsible for the story they tell themselves about the experience they have.

We choose self-love, integrity, honesty, transparency and honoring our body over choosing to be responsible for them having a good experience.

Who can we really lead when we don’t even know what is leading us… who you are and what’s actually going on in your life?

The only way to truly embody your role in your power is to go deep within yourself because no one else can do this for you.

The POWER, resources.. all of it is within you and nowhere else.

This is the journey of embodiment.
I loveeee youuuu so much.

So we are a bit fkd up from all we have been through.. and?
Show me someone who isn’t.. and I’ll show you someone who refuses to do the work. ❤️??❤️

We do the work.
We get the bliss.
We got this.

#together

Love you,
Mandy xx