and it has been one hell of a journey.
A nice humble pie-eating contest with myself. lol
Everything that contributed to stress, rushing, anxiety, or depression feels… was either FEAR OR EGO.
And I have told it all to screw.
If it all falls apart, so be it.
I’m done with all of it.
I asked for a divorce.
I ripped my business apart.
I walked away from mentors.
I jumped into ponds way too big.
I scaled back my team’s unnecessary tasks that we were doing just because everyone else does.
I changed my spending dramatically.
I told the launch trap to fk right off.
I’m the girl who went from welfare to $500k year one, you must keep scaling because you can.. and that’s what you have to do! (Says who? Where did this standard come from? Is this the pace and lifestyle I truly desire?)
I dated a hippie, a VP, a sensual French man, and explored myself. Explored men. Continued on, explored my severe lack of ability to choose men who are generous and stable. Watching myself try to relive and heal old wounds. Feeling extreme disappointment in myself, and my ability to feel worthy of romantic love.
I cried myself to sleep for a year as I wired in the courage to let myself be loved. To allow myself to release the old pattern of trying to prove I was worthy of warmth, being cared for and protected. Releasing the need to be any further along than I was.
I just kept facing every single thing in my life that was happening because of my big fat EGO, and a need to be important or special… or FEAR.. that I would never have what I really need. I’d never FEEL how I really want to feel.
And it has been terrifying.
I’ve felt alone.
I’ve felt like a failure.
I’ve felt I should have known better.
I’ve felt I was too all over the place and not steady enough in who I am.
I also have never ever been more proud of myself.
I have never felt more at ease.
I have never felt stronger.
I have never felt more determined.
I have never felt more worthy to lead.
I have never felt more LOVE.
I have never felt SAFER.
I have never felt more FREE.
I am in the flow of life without rules, comparison, or arbitrary standards… LEAD BY LOVE.
I am not woo-d by the shiny things.
I am not falling in line with the industry standard.
I am not allowing myself to be trapped by the MORE MORE MORE machine.
I do not know where this is taking me, that is how I KNOW it is my path.
Each day, each moment, I simply get clear what my ONE next step is.
I tell myself the truth.
The standard is FREEDOM & JOY…
The standard is LOVE.
The work is to LOVE, give, and receive.
To have the courage to be loved by all the humans wanting to love me.
To have the courage to stand for what I truly believe in.
To let my unique light shine brightly so that the humans who feel OXYGEN when they hear this know they have found HOME.
I never needed to have perfect clarity to Lead.
Leaders ACT, and then ask questions.
What’s your BRAVE move today?
I love you
PS: If you are feeling called to work with me, your brave move is to PM me.
I got you.
#together we rise