You are allowed to feel ANGRY about what happened to you.
The abuse // trauma // etc has had an effect on you.
I used to think that acknowledging the anger was playing the victim.
I never ever gave any attention to the waves of anger & sadness that would come up in me.
Things that happened to me as a child, what life was like growing up believing the world would end any moment and my only job was to save everyone from hell. (honestly…)
I didn’t learn some critical skills.. and sometimes, I see the damage it has done to me.
And I am sad.
Then I see the trickle-down effect it has had on my children and I feel rage.
I always thought… there is ZERO benefits to acknowledging that it was f*d up what happened, people SHOULD have done a better job of protecting me, they should have done better.
IT’s NOT OK.
REALLY. NOT. OK.
And one day my friend Khaled Jack Ekermawi was riffing about feeling these feelings, to process them, in order to truly forgive.
He went on this little tangent and the flood gates just opened.
I felt the anger from my ex taking every penny I had saved and leaving me with every penny of the debt.
All the hard work I put into it and he just took it all, without having contributed one morsel to it.
>> I FELT THE RAGE
and after some time, I felt it simmering down and instantly realized, I had been holding myself back in my business out of spite.
“*** you, I’m not rebuilding all of that. I already did it. This is YOUR WORK!”
And I was able to release it.
Just like that.
And I watched myself begin to shift.
Just like that.
And I watched myself soften.
Just like that.
I let that wave go.
And felt deep peace and joy.
This morning I was writing my #morningLoverant and I felt this anger about how I never learned normal friend-making social skills and feeling the pain about my daughter not making friends.
I felt the rage of how isolated and controlled I was as a child.
I felt the waves of anguish knowing I still don’t know how to help her make friends… and my mama-heart breaking, witnessing her going through this journey without the tools to help.
I felt Rage. Frustration. Helplessness. Righteous anger.
To the Religious fanatics
To the humans who thought they could do whatever they wanted and didn’t BE a better human.
They didn’t figure it out because a child needed them to.
They didn’t DO BETTER.
And for a moment it felt like I was playing the victim…
Until I remembered Jack.
Just feel the feelings.
Anything else is a lie… eh? I FEEL them. I was simply not acknowledging them which is what kept them trapped in me.
Which is nothing more than denial.
If it wasn’t for you, I could have learned to make healthy long-lasting friendships.
If I had had a safer childhood, maybe I could have learned to feel safe sitting and being present with others.
If I hadn’t been beaten, maybe I would have chosen a man who was of integrity and treated me better.
If it wasn’t for you…
I let them all flow.
And I began to feel the flicker of hope that I could BE BETTER for my daughter.
Figure it the ** out because she needs me.
Because I am powerful.
I’ve walked through it all and here I stand.
A bit tattered and torn, but I am a fierce woman full of LOVE and grace.
And this woman… feels ALL the feels, lets them flow through, and allows all the wisdom to remain.
It’s NOT playing the victim to PROCESS what happened.
It IS playing the victim to believe you have no power today. That this is unchangeable.
Because… that’s what THEY believed.
I can guarantee that the humans who hurt us were NOT reading blogs like this.
We’re NOT feeling their feelings.
We’re NOT letting their trapped abuse and feelings flow out of them so they could BE BETTER.
We’re not investing in their own growth with humans who would call them out on their crap and LOVE them back to life.
It takes courage.
Good thing we have that in SPADES ❤
I love you
PS: A lot of time clients come to me to build their company online and they feel so frustrated that they have to “waste time” doing this kind of work.
They will say “I didn’t want to have to talk about this stuff, I just want to learn HOW to build the business.”
and I chuckle because I know in very short order they will realize, THEY are the product and THIS is the work.
How to write a blog, sell, repurpose your content, create offers that sell… EASY.
So freekin easy.
THIS is the real work.
That’s why the ACA program took off and went global so fast.
Yes, you will learn every single how-to and the most powerful and EASY ways to do it all.
But what I sneak in… is the REAL work that gets REAL results walked out and flushed up as we do all the things.
I love you.
Click HERE to join